How To Support Separation Anxiety on the First Day of Childcare

The first day of childcare is a momentous milestone for both young children and their parents. It marks the beginning of a new chapter, filled with excitement, new experiences, and inevitable changes. For many families, however, it also ushers in the challenging reality of separation anxiety. Whether it’s the child feeling uneasy about parting from their primary caregiver or the parent navigating the emotional waves of leaving their little one for the first time, this transition can stir up a whirlwind of emotions. Understanding how to support both the child and parent through this significant moment can make all the difference in creating a positive, smooth start to their childcare journey.

In this blog, we’ll explore effective strategies that early childhood professionals can use to support young children experiencing separation anxiety, while also providing families with the tools to prepare for this new experience. We’ll cover the best practices for managing drop-offs, building supportive routines, and addressing the emotional needs of both the little one and the parents.

Understanding Separation Anxiety in Children

Separation anxiety is a common and natural part of child development. It occurs when young children experience distress upon being separated from their primary caregiver. This emotional response is closely linked to the child’s developing understanding of object permanence, the realization that people and objects continue to exist even when out of sight.

For infants, separation anxiety typically begins after they develop object permanence, usually around 8 or 9 months of age. At this stage, children understand that when a parent leaves, they are truly gone, which can be unsettling. Separation anxiety may arise earlier in some infants, around 4 to 5 months, as they begin to grasp the concept of object permanence. During this phase, separations can be even more challenging if the infant is tired, hungry, or not feeling well. On tougher days, keeping transitions short and maintaining a consistent routine can help reduce distress.

In toddlers, separation anxiety may not show up until 15 or 18 months. While some toddlers bypass separation anxiety in infancy, this developmental phase can be marked by loud, tearful outbursts, particularly when the child is feeling tired, hungry, or unwell—conditions that are common throughout toddlerhood. As toddlers develop their independence, their awareness of separations intensifies, and their responses can become more heightened. Separation can be a particularly emotional time for them as they navigate their need for autonomy while still relying on the security of their primary caregiver.

By the time children reach preschool age, around 3 years old, they have a clearer understanding of the effect their emotions and pleas may have on the adults around them. While they may still experience anxiety, they are also aware that their behaviors can influence the situation. It’s important for caregivers to remain consistent and not give in to pleas for a change in plans. A steady, calm approach from caregivers and educators, along with explanations and adherence to promises (such as returning at the end of the day), are crucial during this stage of separation anxiety.

For children starting daycare or preschool for the first time, separation anxiety can be especially heightened. It may manifest in various ways, such as crying, clinginess, emotional outbursts, or difficulty saying goodbye. Understanding the developmental stages of separation anxiety and recognizing these behaviors as part of the child’s emotional growth can help caregivers provide the necessary support with empathy and patience. It’s also important to remember that separation anxiety is a phase, and every child experiences it differently. Some children may adjust more quickly than others, but with time, most will become more comfortable with the transition.

Preparing Children for Their First Day of Childcare

Preparation can be a powerful tool in easing the transition into childcare. Families can start building excitement and familiarity with the new environment well before the first day.

1. Introduce the Childcare Setting Gradually. If possible, arrange a few visits to the child care center before the first day. This will allow the child to become familiar with the new environment, caregivers, and routine. Let the child explore the classroom, play with toys, and meet the educators who will be looking after them. Familiar faces and spaces can help ease the stress of the unknown.
2. Practice Goodbyes. Talk to your child about what will happen on the first day. Use simple language to explain that you will be leaving for a little while but will come back at the end of the day for pick-up. Some children may benefit from practicing a goodbye routine at home. This could involve a hug, kiss, or a special phrase like “I’ll see you after nap time!” A consistent and predictable goodbye routine can help ease the stress of drop-off.
3. Bring a Comfort Item. For younger children, bringing a familiar item such as a stuffed animal, blanket, or small toy can provide comfort and reassurance during the day. These items can help reduce anxiety and provide a sense of security when parents are not around. A comfort item can also help children during nap time, especially if they are still adjusting to the idea of a new routine.
4. Set Expectations. Let your child know what to expect on the first day. Talk about fun activities they will engage in, such as playtime, reading, or outdoor activities. Positive reinforcement helps them understand that daycare is a place for learning, socialization, and fun.
5. Maintain a Calm Demeanor. Children are highly sensitive to the emotions of their caregivers. If a parent is anxious about the drop-off, the child may pick up on these emotions and feel more unsettled. Maintaining a calm and confident demeanor helps reassure the child that everything is okay. Parents should avoid lengthy goodbyes that can prolong the separation and heighten the child’s anxiety. A quick, loving, and reassuring goodbye is often best.
6. Reading Books. Reading books is a wonderful tool to help children process and understand their emotions around separation anxiety. Books that address themes of saying goodbye, the return of their family member, or the experiences of characters facing similar situations can offer reassurance and help children visualize and verbalize their feelings. Sharing these stories regularly before and during the transition can provide comfort and familiarity for both children and parents. Here are three books that can be particularly helpful for easing separation anxiety:
   1. “The Kissing Hand” by Audrey Penn
      This heartfelt story follows a little raccoon, Chester, who is reluctant to leave his mother for school. His mother shares a special way to feel connected even when apart—a kiss placed in his palm to carry with him throughout the day. This book provides comfort and a visual representation of the love and security that stays with the child even after separation.
   2. “Llama Llama Misses Mama” by Anna Dewdney
      In this charming story, Llama Llama is nervous about his first day of school and misses his mama. Through rhyming text and engaging illustrations, the book explores the feelings of anxiety and the reassurance that comes when Llama Llama’s teacher and classmates help him adjust. It’s a great way to help children understand that it’s okay to feel sad but that the experience can be fun and positive, too.
   3. “Bye-Bye Time” by Elizabeth Verdick
      This book is perfect for younger children, offering a simple and gentle approach to the concept of saying goodbye. With a focus on creating a positive and calm goodbye routine, “Bye-Bye Time” reassures children that separations are brief and followed by joyful reunions, helping to ease the distress that often accompanies parting.

Supporting Parents During the First Day of Childcare

Parents may also experience emotional challenges during the first drop-off. Separation anxiety can be just as intense for parents as it is for children. It’s important for early childhood professionals to support the parents through this process, providing reassurance and understanding.

1. Be a Source of Reassurance. When parents drop off their child, they may feel overwhelmed, guilty, or uncertain about leaving their child in someone else’s care. A warm, empathetic greeting can help alleviate these feelings. Educators should reassure parents that their child is in good hands and that separation anxiety is a normal part of child development. Encourage parents to trust the child care setting and caregivers and remind them that their child will soon adjust to the new routine.
2. Provide Regular Check-Ins. Parents appreciate knowing that their child is doing well. Offering check-ins or updates can help ease their worries. A quick photo or message update through a childcare management software to let parents know that their child is settling in well can reassure them and reduce anxiety. This is especially helpful for families with children who may experience separation anxiety at first but calm down shortly after the drop-off.
3. Offer Support Resources. Separation anxiety can also affect parents’ mental health. Encourage parents to share their feelings and concerns with the child care center’s staff. Providing resources about separation anxiety, child development, and mental health support can help parents navigate their emotions. It’s important that parents feel supported not only in their child’s experience but also in their own well-being during this transition.
4. Help Set Realistic Expectations. Parents should understand that adjusting to childcare takes time. It’s normal for children to experience some challenges, such as clinginess, tantrums, or crying. Parents should not expect an immediate smooth transition. Encourage them to be patient with their child and themselves as they adjust to the new routine. This period of separation anxiety is temporary and will likely lessen with time.

Strategies for Educators to Support Young Children on the First Day

Early Childhood Educators play an essential role in helping children adjust to the new environment. The first day of childcare is often the most difficult, but with the right strategies, it can become a positive experience for both the child and the caregiver.

1. Establish a Calm and Welcoming Environment. On the first day, educators should ensure the child feels safe and welcomed. A calm, quiet environment with soft lighting and a variety of engaging activities can help children feel at ease. Introducing the child to other educators and peers in a gentle manner can also help build trust and comfort.
2. Acknowledge and Validate Emotions. It’s important for caregivers to acknowledge the child’s feelings of separation anxiety. If a child is crying or clinging to an educator, it’s essential to validate their emotions. Saying things like, “I see that you’re feeling sad right now,” or “It’s okay to miss your mom or dad,” helps children feel understood. Sometimes, simply sitting with the child for a few moments and offering comfort can help them calm down.
3. Create a Structured Routine. Children thrive on predictability. Establishing a consistent routine for drop-off, free-play, meals, and nap time can provide a sense of security. Let children know what comes next throughout the day so they can anticipate the next event, whether it’s snack time, outdoor play, or nap time.
4. Provide Emotional Comfort. Sometimes, children need additional comfort to ease their anxiety. Educators can offer cuddles, hold hands, or sit close to the child during the first few hours of the day. As the child begins to feel more comfortable, educators can gradually step back, allowing the child to engage with their peers and the environment.
5. Involve the Child in Play. Engaging children in meaningful play activities is one of the best ways to distract them from their anxiety and help them adjust to the new environment. Play fosters a sense of security and helps children build social skills. Offering activities like building with blocks, reading books, or playing with toys can help ease the transition.

Supporting a Smooth Transition

The first day of childcare is just the beginning of an exciting journey. While separation anxiety may be a challenge, it is also an opportunity for growth and development for both the child and the parent. By offering support, understanding, and a consistent routine, caregivers can help children feel secure and confident in their new environment.

For more tips and tools to support your classroom management, check out resources like Lillio’s Early Childhood Education Blog, which can help you track progress, communicate with families, and streamline your classroom routines.